i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
