it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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