i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
