Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
