i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
