Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
