he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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