So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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