just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
