He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
