So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love you.
Bad choice
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
