i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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