Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
