and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
