I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Actions speak louder than pants.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
