new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
