Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
