The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
