I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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