That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
