oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
