i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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