He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
