the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
