I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Randomize