I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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