My friends, they love my intelligence
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
