I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
