It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
