I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
