remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
