dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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