Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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