Yo dont text me then not text me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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