onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
