I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
