I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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