I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
