i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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