i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
