a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
vagina is talking i cant
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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