pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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