Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
