Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
