All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
