just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
