it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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