bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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