After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
