he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
