i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
