just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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