I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
