I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
