3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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