Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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