you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
