sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
